… Just My Thoughts
A study with Kenny Metcalf
12-21-2005 Journal
Started back on Prednisone yesterday 12-20-05 (this is a horrible drug) in a desperate attempt to slow this advancing attack on my flesh.
I love God, My wife and my Children. I have many, many friends who love me!, and yet even with all of that, I actually have days where I think heaven would be a better place to be, (and yet I am not able to go there and God doesn't want me there, he wants me here) and that is not the normal thinking or rational for any normal human being.
Most who appreciate what God has done for them love life and desire to live it as long as possible impacting as many lives as possible along the way for their Savior or just to love mankind simply because it's wonderful to love people.
My mood swings are now different from day to day. I wake up each day hopeful for something positive to happen only to have it shattered by more advancing sores.
It's so unfair for Evie. She loves me so much and is so kind to me each day. She greets me with smiles each time she see me.
I look in the mirror and hate the man I have become… not from the mood swings and how I act… but from the ugly sores I carry,
but the Mood swings and attitude are uglier to Evie than the sores… no she just corrected me "again", it's all ugly (with her smiling at me).
God has become silent at times to me. He hides himself from me. I long for his touch as in days past… those days are the worst and longest to me.
Were all the words spoken over me “prophetically”, wrong?
What about all those words which did come to pass? Prophecy was right then!
Has prophecy become a thing of common place and God really did not speak? There will be many false prophets in the last days the bible says.
Am I putting to much stock in those things spoken over me? The bible does say.. “don't despise prophecies”.
I talk to my father each day seeking answers from him. I desire to hear him and him alone…. Nothing in my spirit is moved....
BUT THEN… #1 the phone rings, it's a man I met once at a Bryan Duncan concert (Tumbleweed)… he say's “God put you on my heart to pray for you”. He asks me how am I doing and reaffirms that he is praying for me.
#2 Later that day I receive a phone call from another close friend (Fred)… “Kenny.. you are strongly on my heart today… I had to call you… I am praying for you!... By the way this sentence keeps coming to mind as I think of you… “READ IT AGAIN”…”. He then asks me what book have I been reading lately... I said only the bible. He also wanted to encourage me to read Joel Osteens book “Your Best Life Now” for encouragement.
(Robert Sweet had sent me that book 2 months earlier. Had a hard time relating to it.)
#3 Then, that same night a package arrives… Tracy (another close friend) has sent Evie and I a wonderful gift for Christmas, a warm blanket she made for us to snuggle in, a "red" whale (stuffed animal.. Red is a “Journey” thing… she works with the band Journey) for Lilly my granddaughter, and a 90 day devotional based from the book “Your Best Life Now”. Tracy sent Gods love along with those gifts.
Coincidence? No.
God replies to our prayers, and answers them how He chooses to answer them.
In this case 3 answers came to me to draw strength from all of them.3 people delivering a message that you are love today, you are being prayed for today, and each one giving hope for today.
Phrophecy given back in the early 80's to me by Kurt Tellers, Florida… “You will begin to see things happen in increments of 3”.
I can go on today, for today he has given me grace to try again.
Kenny out
